Advice for Recent Law School Graduates

   For many of you in your mid-twenties, it's graduation time from whatever law school that you were dumb enough to agree to attend. This means that it's almost time to hit the workforce.  Although some naysayers will say that it's tough for law school graduates to get a job, I say that's poppycock. Almost everyone with a JD will find a fulfilling job. That being said, the JD may not fully train you for what you need to know in your career. Although you've spent lots of hours reading cases and writing memos and whatnot, you may not actually know how to get into practice. Here's some advice that the crappy judge you had a summer clerkship with never taught you but will still help you really put your Juris Doctor degree to good use:


Lattes Have Steamed Milk, Cappuccinos Have Foamed Milk and Steamed Milk.
  This is easy enough to remember, but I can't even begin to count how many times recent law school grads have screwed up my order. It's not that they don't know the difference between a latte and a cappuccino, it's that they overdo it. I've gotten far too many cappuccino's that weigh about a half an ounce because 99 percent of the weight is frothed milk, which is basically air. If you remember to add steamed milk as well as frothed milk, you'll really be making the most out of your law school education.

Never Undercook French Fries. 
  If you're working at a fast food restaurant that serves thicker-than-average fries (think steak fries or wedge fries), make sure they get thoroughly cooked. There is nothing more disappointing than biting into a beautiful steak fry and tasting lukewarm gooey potato in the middle. When you're a fry cook, remember: more time in the fryer is more tastiness for the customer.

Make Sure to Stock Milk Correctly. 
   When you're stocking the aisles at your local grocery store, make sure to rotate the product. If you don't put the newest milk in the back, therefore out of reach to the customer, your customers will be getting milk that doesn't expire for about a month, but your manager is going to be quite angry when you have to explain to him why half of the milk he ordered expired.

Don't Load Up on Parking Tickets
   As recent JD's, we all know that you're only doing your job when you give out parking tickets to people with expired meters and whatnot. But please, don't give me six tickets in an hour just because my meter expired. I'm just going to appeal them and get them dropped anyway.

Don't Knock Over My Trash Cans After You Empty Them
  We all know that most males with a JD end up working for the city as garbage men. That's fine, but it's just disrespectful to just throw my trash containers, tipped over, in the middle of my front yard. It's not that it's hard for me to retrieve them, it's just sort of a giant "fuck you" for those who you serve and weren't lucky enough to get a JD like you did.

In conclusion, there are many things a JD prepares you for. It teaches you how to read a case and how to "think like a lawyer". But the actual training for your future job is certainly lacking. Hopefully soon law schools nationwide will have courses to help students get ready for the workforce, teaching them things like how to cook waffles, how to use a jackhammer, and how to mow lawns. Until then, this blog may be one of the only sources for tips on how to earn the most with your JD.