You Got Into Law School?! Congratulations, Dumbass!

  "OMG I got into law school!" has been uttered by all too many vulnerable idiots every spring when acceptance letters begin arriving in the mail. Congratulations on really "making it". What's next, an exclusive membership at the county library? Oh right, probably not, because if you actually read books you'd probably be smart enough to get into business school or med school.
   Law school has become a shadow of its former self. It used to be where future lawyers learned the skills necessary for their careers. Now it has become a haven of those too lazy or scared to try to get a job after completing their undergrad degree. "But I'm different, I've always wanted to be a lawyer" will be your response. Listen, I did too. I also wanted to be an astronaut, and you don't see me in Cape Canaveral testing my space suit. Although if there were a for-profit NASA training school in Cape Canaveral that let any dumbass in after college, I can almost assure you it'd be one of the largest schools in the country.
   Let me ask you a question, future annoying student who will no doubt whine about studying and brag about their grades via incessant facebook status updates. Why in the living hell do you want to join a profession which you know is not hiring anyone? Seriously. Let me guess your answer: you're going to work hard as hell and make a 4.0 and have the big firms just dying to hire you. Great! Too bad all of your classmates are aiming to do the same thing, and you are graded competitively on a curve. If you want to have any sort of life at all, you may as well shoot your goal down to about a 3.25. And that's if you are the smartest of the fun kids, which if you are friends with me and reading this post, there is no doubt in my mind that you are not. For those of you that don't want to go out and want to spend countless sexless evenings studying the finer points of contract law and business associations, good for you. Maybe you'll get that 4.0. The downside is that you probably suck so much at life and social skills that nobody in their right mind would hire a cocky dipshit such as yourself.
   Let me tell you about law schools. Many law schools are for-profit institutions. That's exactly how it sounds. You are not their student, you are their customer. You are literally paying the shareholders. The law schools know that since there are so many complete dick-weasels out there such as yourself that will avoid going out into the real world at any cost that they can charge however much they like for tuition. How so? Because the Feds will give your dumb ass as much money in student loans as you want, knowing full well that anyone who is stupid enough to go to law school is certainly not smart enough to hide from the feds or figure out a way to get rid of their debt once collecting time begins. Essentially, an "investment" in a law school "education" is a financial decision somewhere between Western Union-ing your life savings to the deposed prince of Nigeria who contacted you via email, and cashing in your 401k to invest in the Powerball.
   So, if you have parents that are naive, stupid, or rich enough to be willing to pay for you to dick around for another three years, law school may be for you. If you actually want to work for a living, get out if you still can. Get a real job, or go to a real graduate school. Anyone dumb enough to want to go to law school is clearly not smart enough to be a lawyer.