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Saturday, April 19, 2014

How to Not Look Like a Complete Tool: Six Things to Avoid While Attempting to Dress Like a Professional, Pt. 2

Welcome back. If you're wearing a black suit, I'm sorry for your loss during this difficult time. Let me know who to send the flowers to. 

For part two of my six-part series (heads up: I have no idea what the other four parts will be), I've decided to write a brief post about one of the hidden dangers of menswear that can transform an otherwise decent outfit into a style disaster.

There is one dangerous item of menswear still floating around the ether of outlet stores and clearance racks that can change your entire ensemble from style-friendly to Boyz II Men stunt double reject. This, my friends and followers, is the dreaded square toed shoe. 


The square toed shoe, much like polio, is something most of us assume has been taken care of, cured and banished from this earth... until it rears its ugly head again. Square toed dress shoes have an unique ability to make anyone who dons them instantly look like some type of suit-wearing duck-billed platypus/human hybrid. It ain't pretty. 

Although they had their heyday in the 1620s at Plymouth Rock, square-toed shoes made a brief resurgence into popular attire during the 1990s. Worn by timeless mega A-list celebrities like Michael Bolton and Milli Vanilli, square-toed shoes are handy if you need flippers during your scuba adventure, not if you're trying to look like someone with a real job.

Wondering what shoes to rock with your suit rather than the square toed Stacy Adams shoes you found at payless for $8.99? Normally I require a consulting fee for my clients to know exactly which type of shoes to wear, but in this case I'll offer some free advice.

A rounded, natural toe shape gives a sleek silhouette and doesn't appear unnaturally large, small, square or pointed. An overly pointed shoe looks like you either work for Santa Claus or Roy Rogers, neither of which are in the Fortune 500. Save the pointy boots for the Wild West or the North Pole. 

Allen Edmonds McAllister Wingtip Oxfords 6235 Walnut Calf
A tasteful, natural toe shape discreetly highlights how much better of a person you are than everyone else around you. Pictured above, Allen Edmonds McCallister in Burgundy ($365)

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